Leading AF: How to reframe getting defensive at work
I raised my hand to share a story during the first class of a storytelling workshop last night and it felt like I was going to die...
I didn't know any of the people, I was familiar with the facilitator, but my goal as a leader, business owner, and coach is to improve the way I tell stories, its why I paid $180 for the course.
So I raised my hand and talked about how I thought moving back to my hometown was going to send me back to being the 20 year old girl who left for college (I went to jr. college and lived at home before getting into USC because my GPA in high school was a 2. something AND ALSO jr. college is genius and I think everyone should consider it!) and when I was done I felt a few things:
my heart was racing
i was out of breath
i couldn't see anything around me
i felt like i had survived something
Did you know our brains treat our social needs the same as our basic needs for survival? food and a sense of belonging water and a feeling of being valued our brains see these as equally required for us to survive and when your sense of belonging or value is perceived as threaten
(like when you are confronted in a meeting and start to get defensive)
your ability to think creatively, hold multiple perspectives, and respond collaboratively decreases
its why an hour after a confrontational meeting you come up with the perfect response and get frustrated because you don't understand why it didn't come to you in the moment! its because your brain was focused on not dying and so things like creative ideas, collaborative responses, strategic thinking become inaccessible in the moment. so. what to do! my offer is a practice in reframing! next time you feel your vision start to tunnel, your body bracing, and your heart racing...
I just freeze up >>> I can feel my body activate acknowledging what is happening in your body I just keep my mouth shut >>> I just take a breath unclinch your mouth and jaw and breath some space back into your body I disengage >>> I reorganize and start again pull back and decide how you want to jump back in I become ineffective >>> I become passionate your body is responding to what is happening because you care! see that and love that so you can be the leader you were meant to be!
and Lead On!!!